@OnceUponALiz: If I ever go missing, my dumbass family will pick a photo where I look happy and my hair looks good, and I'll never been seen alive again.
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@JermHimselfish: I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
@amydillon: H: Is there anything new you want to try in bed? M: Actually... *stretches out alone in bed, sleeps for 8 hours* M: That was amazing.
@novicefather: [cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty