@Mr_goose007: If I ever go missing, please put my photo on a Tequila bottle because nobody I know drinks milk.
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@LinajkReturns: Poached salmon on a bed of brown rice with peas or Roasted duck with polenta and organic green beans? Choosing dog food is hard.
@SatansTongue: *wife opens present* "You got me the action figure you wanted?" Ugh if you don't appreciate it then give me it *takes gift and runs to room*
@jakob_huber: "Still upset about earlier?" Yeah "So you knocked over a few spaghetti boxes at the store. No big deal" I WAS A WORLD JENGA CHAMPION, SALLY
@ayyyyloser: Interviewer: Give me an example of something you took with you from your last job Me: Toilet paper