@jackiembouvier: If I ever go missing, put up fliers saying I left a dog in a hot car so people will actually look for me.
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@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*
@djdarrellripley: Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street? Me: I was only going one way...
@OkieGirl405: Guns don't kill people People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people