@LindseyEllison2: If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.
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@buck4itt: They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
@indecision: New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth.
@jimmytorosian: What are you listening to? The Who Who? Yes You're listening to Yes? No The Who Oh I like them No not Them. The band is The Who. The Band?
@wickedimproper: Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?" Day Two: Murder