@hashtag_stacks: If I ever got kidnapped my kidnapper would be like 'why are you so good at sitting in one room for a long period of time without showering?'
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@rebrafsim: Interviewer: what would you say has been your crowning achievement? Me: you mean besides making it through the birth canal? Interviewer: haha good one. How about after that? Me: Yeah no, that’s about it
@MichaelTrying: If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like "get out of my Vulcan face" and "are you Vulcan kidding me?"
@thestlouisan: -Crowded Restaurant- Me: Table for four, please. [seated] Me: Now, to get married & have two kids...