@hashtag_stacks: If I ever got kidnapped my kidnapper would be like 'why are you so good at sitting in one room for a long period of time without showering?'
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@Douchekevin: A 25 year old just told me she's gonna rock my world. I'm 47 so I assume she's gonna show me where to buy comfortable shoes & soft licorice
@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
@DontTouchMyWine: Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork.