@turtledumplin: If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help.
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@ShrugLord: It takes more muscles to frown than smile, so I'll consider this my workout for the day
@BlairLoudly: Me: SPIDER! Brain: Nope, fluff. Me: SPIDER! Brain: That is a fly. Me: SPIDER!!! Brain: sigh. That's your hand idiot.
@fightforfood: A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
@goodersuk74: I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely