@weinerdog4life: If I ever have a baby, I hope it's a puppy.
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@internetluke: [talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] "No" What? "You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch" *places $50 back in my pocket*
@envydatropic: My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
@envydatropic: If you stand by and watch someone wreck their life, you're part of the problem And yet we all still go to weddings for the open bar
@Contwixt: Don't act like you've never used a pair of binoculars to try to peer through another pair of binoculars.