@weinerdog4life: If I ever have a baby, I hope it's a puppy.
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@SexySpainNights: When someone cries, "No one gets me" I immediately snatch them and put them in my trunk and yell, "I got you"!
@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
@WittySassBasket: *sharing a box of cereal with the cat* Me: Frosted Lucky Charms Cat: They're magically deliciOH, uh MEOW
@Nikkeya08: We're just two people shitting in side by side stalls waiting for the other person to go out so we don't have to show our face