@JMFnSparks: If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him Sparta, that way I can introduce him as "This is SPARTA!!!"
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@Thynebear: *cop approaches me* "have u seen this girl?" *holds up photo* "yeah I've seen her, NAKED" *hi-5* "haha but seriously shes in my trunk"
@apok842: It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
@goldengateblond: Wait til the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald's find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
@stephenjmolloy: [Gameshow] Host: "You are one question away from our grand prize. How do you feel?" Me: "With my hands." Host: "Correct!" *crowd goes nuts*