@JMFnSparks: If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him Sparta, that way I can introduce him as "This is SPARTA!!!"
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@CatherineLMK: Shaking hands is so weird: "Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."
@SortaBad: Why are you breaking up with me? "You treat your dog like a baby. It's weird" Shh *puts hands over dog's ears* he's 26 months he understands
@GrantTanaka: Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought "oh shit, I'm having a heart attack," but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me.