@thatUPSdude: If I ever lose my phone I want Liam Neeson looking for it
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@lafpgh: He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets.
@AbbyHasIssues: I've never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that's running 30 minutes over time.
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?