@neiltyson: If I ever met a Space Alien, I’d resist shaking its extended appendage, not knowing for sure the details of alien anatomy.
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@bornmiserable: [Snow White meets Seven Dwarfs] SNOW WHITE: Why is your name Bashful? BASHFUL: [recalling when he bashed in the 8th dwarf's skull] No reason
@GrrrRach: Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require? Me: Oh! Don't mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.
@johnnyw1981: As I lay my phone down to sleep, I pray my brain won't think of tweets. If I die before I wake, I pray and hope my phone to break.