@rzarosco: If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it
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@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I can't believe my wife left me. I should of treated her better. Me *should have
@jaslakhmna: You may have a drinking problem - when your mother asks you to toast the bread.....and you raise your glass and say "here's to the bread"!
@pixelatedboat: COMMENCE ANNIHILATI... Sorry, wrong notes, that's tomorrow's speech. Here's the right one: You have nothing to fear from Project Omega ...
@akatinamarie: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.