@rzarosco: If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it
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@Fred_Delicious: *knock at the door* "H...hello?" "Hi, i'm not a mouse" "Phew, that's good because im a large block of cheese, lemme just open thARGGGHHHHHHH
@iwearaonesie: [dinner] son *sigh* What a day wife *kicks me under the table to get me to respond* me *slides my beer over to him* wife *kicks me harder*
@Quartzjixler: I smoke in the car and the smell is in my clothes, skin, and hair but this gum will cover everything up so no one will know. - smokers
@GrantTanaka: Fence is falling down, house paint is peeling, and deck has a bunch of splinters, so time for me to convince some idiot kid I know karate.