@rzarosco: If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it
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@CourageDR: I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there's no point in bothering with hash browns then.
@SadieSmithRoks: A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
@Spotzwoj: The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.