@JRevard: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex to move back in. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
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@_ElvishPresley_: whoa whoa whoa we both like to laugh?! *pretends hand is a telephone* "Hello, Las Vegas? One marriage, please!"
@DeadLioness: Running with my dog, holding his poop in a small, lavender scented, biodegradable bag like the top-of-the-food-chain creature that I am.
@AlexRogaski: The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information
@HatfieldAnne: To everyone I ever mocked for accidentally running your earbuds through the washer: I have some news that will please you.