@JRevard: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex to move back in. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
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@samuelhlowe: - Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other.
@BadJordon: [SPEED DATING] HER: Hi, is this seat free? ME: By all means. HER: *drags chair across room ME: WTF? HER: *laughing, sits with another couple
@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?