@ericsshadow: If I ever run into my doppelgänger I'm going to steal his liver.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.
@leannuh_renay: *first date* Her: I’m a criminologist. Me, trying to impress: I have six bodies in my attic.
@Marlebean: *interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say "dying wish" again! Ok now say "coffee"!
@sixfootcandy: Barista: That will be $8.00. Me: Sure. *walks out with the napkin dispenser and an entire bucket of Splenda*