@ericsshadow: If I ever run into my doppelgänger I'm going to steal his liver.
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@daemonic3: 911: What's your emergency? "I put the Ford in affordable housing." 911: Are you flirting? "No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"
@mickeza1: You have 90,000 followers, follow 92,000, and all you tweet are @s thanking people for following back. Are you raising an army for Mordor?
@turtledumplin: We all have that one friend who thinks they can sing...and if you can't think of who, that friend is you.