@ericsshadow: If I ever run into my doppelgänger I'm going to steal his liver.
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@GeauxSaints79: M: Are you gonna eat that baby? Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O' M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind.
@caliluvgirl77: I'll never rob a store because I don't want to see the police guess my weight on a wanted poster.
@skullmandible: most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns