@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
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@iGreenMonk: Someone just saw me trying to take a picture of myself and now I have a dead body to bury.
@envydatropic: My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same.
@ExcuseMyTweets: The door is closed? I want in. The door is open? I want out. Actually I just want to sit in the door frame itself. - Pets