@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
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@ShesARealGenius: [Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I'm dying]: "Oh, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it."
@Reverend_Scott: And on the 8th day, God created atheists and said, "Oh man, you're not gonna believe this."
@atthecubicle: Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It's pretty solid.
@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt