@KentWGraham: If I ever run out of food, I can survive for 3 or 4 days on the stuff stuck to the walls of my microwave.
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@Josievorenkamp: Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some shit.
@astutenewf: When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
@thatstings: Since twitter, I don't go from home to car to work to car to home I go from charger to charger to charger to charger to charger