@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
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@ThaJawn: *puts a gun against a magician's back Me and you are going to get all the quarters, from behind all the ears
@Sam_From_Kansas: This waitress at Olive Garden has been grating cheese onto my plate for 13 hours now.
@MomofTeen: If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.