@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
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@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@Fickle_Filly: You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.