@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
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@JermHimselfish: I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition.
@UNTRESOR: The average time it takes for an elderly woman to get her ringing cellphone out of her purse is 11 days.
@shutupmikeginn: An old lady on the bus just tried to set me up with her daughter. Here's everything she knows about me: 1) I don't have a car
@CoolCamel69: *pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse "Umm. Your biggest weakness?" Panfccakes