@dumbbeezie: If I ever want to keep a secret from a man, I’ll put it in the fridge. They can’t find anything in there.
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@aparnapkin: Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
@xLiserx: BF: Come over. Let's do sex. Me: I'm tired. BF: I have tacos. Me: It's late. Brendan Fraser: I won't make you watch my movies. Me: On my way
@BigJDubz: Hard to tell if the wife is more upset that I referred to our anniversary as an 'annual appraisal' or that she got a C