@iantherage: If I get married I want my last name to be hyphenated. Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated.
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@iwearaonesie: If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
@david8hughes: [parole hearing] "What will u do if released?" "Kill everyone on the jury." "What?" "Buy everyone jewellery." "Aw. Granted."
@trevso_electric: So many mixed messages in the media. Titanic tells us "never let go." Frozen says "let it go." Smdh
@badAzz_mom: If you ever want your kids to communicate with you, just make sure you're talking to someone else on the phone.