@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.
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@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."
@bingowings14: My hangover has been going on for so long that I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson directed it.
@david8hughes: [animal meeting at the zoo] Lion: you're late. We said meet at sunset Giraffe: I can still see the sun you fucken midget
@Glynner85: The best part about having a muppet for a best friend is that when you're done singing songs, BOOM free oven mitt.