@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.
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@mdob11: Me: WHY DID YOU EVEN COME HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH ME!! Him: Ma'am please just take your pizza.
@Brianhopecomedy: *presses wheelchair accessible button* *rolls 5 year old in on dolly restrained like Hannibal Lector* "We're here for a haircut."
@iGreenMonk: *Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*