@Beerhaze: If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible.
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@curlymalloy: I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!
@onume_: Son: Dad I'm in love with a girl just like mum. Father: So what do you want from me? Sympathy?
@JohnLyonTweets: Hope you enjoy my new song, "Part of This Song's Title Is in Parentheses (For No Reason)."
@ibid78: You kids have no idea how lucky you are. Back in my day we had to shave our jokes into the sides of cats and throw those cats at passers by.