@brandonIee: If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you
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@LuvPug: I just wished a Bride-to-be good luck on her first marriage. She didn't seem to appreciate my sincerity.
@ericsshadow: ME: my son ran away COP: we won't rest until we find him ME: [swiping LEGO aside with both feet] no rush
@Brampersandon_: *walks into funeral while playing the mandolin* "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?" *dead guy sits up in casket* No it sounds lovely. Keep going
@Steven37366100: Me: I can't believe it's not butter!! Wife: Well, that's suntan lotion so I don't know why you're surprised Me: *continues eating