@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sickayduh: Me: Did you know that a woman's voice gets higher when she's attracted to a man? Her: *batman voice* I have a boyfriend
@droidbears: fyi, drug mule does not mean youll be getting stoned and riding around on a donkey... worst first day ever
@daemonic3: An evil villain is on the loose Ant-Man: Yellowjacket again? [giant kid with magnifying glass emerges] Ant-Man: You gotta be kidding me
@TheEighthKnight: Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead