@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
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@mattsurely: *wife comes home* "Did you fix the toilet?" Yep! [she opens door & is hit by avalanche of plums] "You called the plummer again you idiot!!!"
@daemonic3: [starbucks] One tall iced latte please "Ok, can I have a name?" Well ok but it really should come from your parents