@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
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@brendohare: I wear a 3-piece suit to bed in case someone breaks in & we have nothing to talk about. "Did you notice I'm wearing a suit?" "Yes"
@AmandasNotFunny: I've always wanted to walk into a large room and be the most beautiful woman in there. But I'm scared of Walmarts :(
@xoCAMILLAxo: I bought a toilet brush at the store the other day but it kind of hurts so I think I'll go back to paper!