@KKAlThani: If I had a boy I'd name him "Opportunity" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say "I bet that's opportunity knocking" & laugh with my wife
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@walks_on_legs: What is this special type of waffle called a "Tennis racket" and why does it taste like metal wires?
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.
@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.