@bridger_w: If I had a dog I'd say "I have a bone to pick with you!" and then we'd go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we'd laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh
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@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
@efasheefaa: That moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp and kill a cat.
@splegge: Put a pill in wife's mouth while asleep "WTF you doing?" "for your headache." "I don't have one!" Just what I wanted to hear! *unzip flys
@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.