@shadonium: If I had a dollar every time my phone's battery dies, I
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@PaulyPeligroso: You can't die, man! Not right now. Not on my watch! *lifts dead body and pulls watch put from under it*
@MakeYourBedlam: I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"
@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]
@CVTBaby: If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, he still tries to play it off like he meant it so the other trees don't laugh.