@lilgapeach30: If I had a dollar for every time I heard "grow up!" I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort.
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@HumanPog: one time i slam dunked a basketball so good we were out of school for a week people just needed time to process
@Paxochka: Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens.
@causticbob: MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home.
@DumbConfessions: [in Paris] Will you have sex with me? "No monsieur." Okay, like, I don't speak French. BLINK ONCE FOR NO AND TWICE FOR YES.