@staufff: If I had a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd start thinking about you.
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@sixfootcandy: Me:*Gently nudges your arm* Would you like to be my Valentine? Doctor: Can we discuss this after your colonoscopy?
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [I see a cute girl reading a novel] "Hi there. I couldn't help but notice-" *points at book* "That you support the murder of trees."
@snmrrw: Rasputin never died that day, as an immortal being. He hid for decades, before dropping the "Ras" and slipping back into Russian politics.
@dshack8: I live by 2 simple rules: 1. Don't treat people like shit. 2. If any melted cheese gets on your paper plate, you must also eat the plate.