@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
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@Storminika: Can't afford Sea World, so I took my kid to a fish market. Me: 'Shhh, they're asleep' 'Mom, they're breaded' Me: 'That's their blankie'
@EmilyZDavis: I can't believe this dog and a whole family just died because of a forgotten comma
@Mr_Kapowski: Ladies, don't be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You're becoming a mermaid!