@lalastrailer: If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company.
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@mean_spice: Torturer: I will break you Me: Do you wear that hood to hide your sadness? Torturer: *broken* ah hell man I just wanted to be a chef
@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.
@MatCro: GF: I'm leaving you because you're obsessed with Spanish puns and Despicable Me. ME: Please don't go. You're Juan in a minion.
@DaHess1: When I momentarily lack the ability to articulate my thoughts and use a preposition instead. That.