@SwoonTwang: If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
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@leechee420: How do I tell a guy that I'm only interested in him because I'd like to take selfies with his puppy?
@NYC_Blonde: I enjoy April Fool's Day because I like responding to fake pregnancy announcement texts with "no wonder you've been looking chubby".
@murfer28: I don't want to lock my account because I like to help my X's feel better about themselves when they check in & make sure I'm still a drunk.
@AlexRogaski: Me: Yes honey.. I know.. a stroller for the baby. I got it. *hangs up* Salesman: As I was saying, the largest hamster ball we sell is a-