@SwoonTwang: If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
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@NOT_UmaThurman: [Jesus on a blind date] Christians: "Hmm, you seemed whiter in your profile picture"
@Carbosly: It's a plant shaped like an egg. EGGPLANT! It's a place where we make fire. FIREPLACE! Diving in the sky. SKYDIVING! Humans are creative.
@ineedaballrub: I just Googled 'Nicolas Cage jokes' and it showed me a list of every film he's been in. Well played, Google.