@smarick: IF I HAD A NICKLE EVERY TIME A GOP OFFICIAL CALLED TRUMP'S BEHAVIOR "UNACCEPTABLE" BUT ACCEPTED HIM AS NOMINEE I COULD START A FAKE COLLEGE
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@thenatewolf: *stuck in elevator with beautiful woman* I know it's only been 10 minutes but I'm gonna take a poop ok?
@XplodingUnicorn: My 6-year-old walked into the room and said, "Don't worry, Dad. I'm OK." Time to search the house for whatever she destroyed.
@BobScottCPA: But people, if you have a gift card that is all used up, do not drop it in a urinal please—it's a Big letdown to fish it out all for nothing