@Playing_Dad: If I had a time machine, I would go back to the day we first let my daughter watch SpongeBob SquarePants and just destroy our TV
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@ericsshadow: My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
@ilovepie84: I once challenged Snoop Dogg to a rap battle and the loser had to change their name.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.
@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile* Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco. *Defeatedly gets in Batvan*