@ElgatoEsmio: If I had a time machine I’d destroy the invention of autotune and say “good luck being famous now you talentless brats!"
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@ReeseButCallMeV: This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
@Dog_Marriage: Breaking news from My dog!! there ar Small animals outside sometimes, but especially Right Now.
@jp_mcdade: Wow, I wish people were into politics as much as they're into sports. *meets someone who's really into politics* Wow, I wish I was dead.