@ElgatoEsmio: If I had a time machine I’d destroy the invention of autotune and say “good luck being famous now you talentless brats!"
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@sucittaM: Accidentally triple-knotted my laces so I guess I'm wearing these shoes for the rest of my life.
@gwatts77: I accidentally got my blow up doll pregnant. Related: I've got some balloons for sale.
@MaraWritesStuff: "You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*