@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
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@delusionaliam: Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
@johndashgreen: Password must contain a capital letter, a number, a plot, a protagonist with some character development, and a surprise ending.
@Vodkantots: My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me.
@hilaryfairie: I keep hearing "Just be yourself" from everyone. I didn't realize so many people want me to go to prison :(