@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
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@AnkCoupleTO: Most guys will go gay for the night with the right amount of sangria & Foreigner playing in the background Don't ask me how I know
@murrman5: [to snake at news station] you can't do weather anymore "ssswhy not?" are we getting rain tomorrow? "sssno" do you see how that's confusing?
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying