@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
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@lildandeli0n: [Gets Twitter error: "Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong"] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here.
@drinksmcgee: [First day as a Doctor] Me: Unfortunately, my first patient passed away today. It’s a harsh reality that we doctors have to face. Patient: But... you’re a chiropractor...
@nonsensetwit: If I had a daycare, I think it would be awesome to get each kid to wear one of those backpack-leash things and make them pull me on a sled.