@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.
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@MrsGoose69: Hubby: "Why don't you ever tell me when you have an orgasm?" Wife: "I don't want to bother you while you are at work."
@_little_old_me: My cat just sniffed my right eye & licked his lips. When I die alone in my house, he'll probably eat that eyeball first.
@liv_thatsme: Obama's not stupid. If he's spying, he's going to do it through an appliance Trump actually uses: the tanning bed.