@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.
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@brucepoontip: If someone sees you accidentally bite into plastic fruit, commit. don’t show weakness. eat all of it
@david8hughes: [ouija board] "Spirits are u there? I A M H E R E. Y O U W A N N A T A L K? Y O U W A N N A H A N G O U T? [squints] "A needy board?"
@SloanPerry: when you push a pull door and the person behind says "you need to pull" aye cheers lad sure next plan was to start lifting from the bottom