@Ristolable: If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
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@markydoodoo: I stab myself a little bit every day to slowly build up an immunity to being stabbed to death.
@Kennedydp5: The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
@bobvulfov: BABY FROZEN STEAK: mommy is he coming back MOM STEAK: no honey—get some sleep [rocky walks into the freezer] ROCKY: time to punch some meats