@Ristolable: If I had a time machine I'd take 17 dollars to 1901 and buy several luxurious homes. Related: does anyone have a time machine and 17 dollars
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ItsDanSheehan: How is it that I, a young, single, man with a good job and his own apartment, cannot find a swordsman skilled enough to grant me a warrior's death?
@ZombieProblms: Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool.
@notacroc: [universe where we use wormholes to deliver food] *a potato flies thru the wormhole and hits my son Blent in the face* Me: stay sharp Blent
@TattedChanel: So Brad Pitt is being investigated for child abuse after yelling at his kids on a flight. Better send my mum to the electric chair then.