@WilliamAder: If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ElgatoEsmio: [sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start
@TheCatWhisprer: Reached the age where I have to do like 150 healthy things every day just so it doesn't hurt when I burp.
@Sean_Burgundy_: People usually stop coming over to your house when you greet them with "Make yourself at home, BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T OPEN THE FREEZER."