@WilliamAder: If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
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@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.
@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."
@Laser_Cat: [skywriting] Karen, do you have the checkbook? The skywriting guy won't let me out of the plane until he gets his deposit.
@JermHimselfish: Peanut butter and jelly are so in love with each other that all they do is lay around in bread all day.