@SashaBrenner: "Get your fax straight!" - a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987

@Xoolun: When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

@LuvPug: I'm most like a dog when after someone has hurt me I won't get too close to them again. Also when I'm eating food that fell on the floor.

@SardonicTart: I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.

@RichardDreyfuss: You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck.