@DonovanConvery: If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now.
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@CastAwayKristen: NO I didn't eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies. I just ate all the cookies inside it.
@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(
@sarcasm_inc: *approaches your table* Magic trick? *I hold out some cards with fake hands while my real hand pokes out of my shirt and steals your burger*
@onelongbender: Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.