@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.
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@KateWhineHall: 6yo: Your hair looks pretty every day. Me: Well, thanks. 6yo: Can I have some chips?
@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge
@Darlainky: [at parent-teacher night] Teacher:*looking at my coffee tumbler* I see you're a coffee enthusiast, too Me: Coffee? Oh...yeah, coffee*wink*
@lecalabara: Home Alone 6: Homeland Security - Everyone in Washington D.C. has gone on vacation and left Kevin in charge!