@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.
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@GrantTanaka: [bruce wayne falls into a cave inhabited by a hibernating bear & things turn out very differently]
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: “If I die first, I want you to remarry.” Me: “Wow. Do you really hate me that much?”
@murrman5: are you the girl who has to type everything said in court? "yes" I'm sorry *looks back at prosecutor and answers his question as a dolphin*
@SteveDutzy: My pics are real. I don't use any filters. I don't even use coffee filters. I eat coffee straight outta the container like a man