@jocylan: If I haven't said something mildly offensive today I'm sorry and I promise to try harder
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@T_N_Crumpets: Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10
@Sassafrantz: Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
@BonaFideIntent: I tried to be domestic & cook. Microwave is on fire. A waffle maker, 3 pans, a toaster & my neighbors cat in the trash. Making soup is HARD!
@Ameiam: People are always like "you're so crazy" and I'm all like "please take off the restraints, I promise I won't do it again".