@SortaBad: If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room
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@MommaUnfiltered: If you start your emails with "Greetings" let me be the first to welcome you to Earth.
@farahfergie: The Cheesecake Factory had a "Help Wanted" sign. I was really disappointed that it wasn't to help eat the cheesecake. #FluffyChickProblems