@SortaBad: If I hear someone crying I immediately cry louder to establish myself as the dominant sad person in the room
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@TSDD24: HER: Let's do some role playing ME: Okay, be ur sister HER: I was thinking a sexy profession.. ME: Oh okay. What's ur sister do for work?
@CulturedRuffian: Father's Day Fun: 1) Walk up to a complete stranger at lunch with his family. 2) Hug him. 3) Tell him 'Happy Father's Day dad'! 4) Run.
@OreoSpeedwagon_: Coworker: I need someone in the backfill position Brain: Do. Not. Say. Anything. Me: um hopefully you fill the gap soon Brain: oh dear
@missmayn: My therapist asked me to list my good qualities:nnNice to everyone's facenUsually wear deodorantnThin cheese slicernnThat took four hours.