@ClichedOut: They say someone in the US is bitten by a shark 19 times a year. Poor guy.

@RidiculousSheri: "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Pizza" "My new boyfriend who? "No. Pizza" "My future husband who?" "No." "Playing hard to get who?"

@ThaPrinceTaylor: iPhone 6 for $900 or a ski mask for $1.99.. Your choice

@bobvulfov: [after an accident on the ski slope] ME: did i nail the triple backflip PARAMEDIC: u choked on a tootsie roll and fell off of the ski lift

@Slave_4_U: Hot single senior citizens in your area need air conditioning.