@KyleMcDowell86: If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house
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@KyleMcDowell86: "Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] "Actually it's lasagna"
@K_Chapacabra: Call me faithless, but I just can't believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
@Amburglar_: I hate when I'm getting a back rub & he stops 3 mins in & says "my thumbs hurt." It's not like I ever say "My jaw hurts." I finish the job.
@Coolisiana: INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself