@lenigs17: If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
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@Jarhead44: I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I'm in.
@TheMichaelRock: If Daryl doesn't get laid this season, I'm gonna have to say that this documentary is fake. #TheWalkingDead
@YesItsAl: I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend
@NicestHippo: [doctor gets job as 911 operator] "What's your emergency?" MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE "Hmm ok let's wait a few weeks and see how it is then"