@patnspankme: If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
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@tracietom: My husband brought home an all vegetable pizza for dinner so that I could "kickstart" a diet. To be honest, he would have been better off bringing home a girlfriend.
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@TragicAllyHere: Don't you hate when you're an astronaut and someone opens the hatch to go into space and you're like, "nooooo, all my air guitars!"
@sfreeze6: My resume is just an old VHS tape of the "Life Goes On" episode where Corky lip syncs "Fight the Power" for his school's talent show.