@SortaBad: If I lost a leg in an accident the worst part would be never being able to flush a public toilet again
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@slimmy_shady: "More people are killed by toasters than sharks". So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster, you're in big trouble.
@TheDairylandDon: To avoid small talk with neighbors I've taken to checking the mail in the middle of the night like some kinda raccoon with bills.
@CheetoBandito77: Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.
@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe" -straight up killin' it at this parenting thing