@meatballwizard: If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at someone's house, I eat a few pieces.
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@stuckinaportal: [mastercard commercial] "there are some things that money can't buy" politician: i don't get it
@JumbledButts: *puts a DVD of 'Frozen' and a DVD of 'Dante's Peak' into the same DVD player* *'Waterworld' starts playing*
@TeaAndCopy: ME: Excuse me…Where's the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you'll what?
@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.