@meatballwizard: If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at someone's house, I eat a few pieces.
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@EliTerry: I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile.
@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
@smithsara79: Me: [to my sister] Oh yeah? If I'm not mom's favorite, then why am I the only one she ever asks to housesit when she takes everyone on vacation each summer?