@RandomAntics: He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you.

@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.

@rainsutton: Just heard Justin Bieber vowed not to return to the UK after his disastrous tour here. Well done the UK. Well done.

@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife

@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.