@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses

@kookiedelukey: Myth: Have kids close in age. It gets easier and they'll have a friend to play with Fact: They'll fight. Every hour. Every day.

@KateWhineHall: My husband is playing Super Mario Bros with our sons and one of them is having a MAJOR tantrum. Sadly, it's my husband.

@mjkspeaks: If you eat guns, you'll sweat bullets. It's science.

@Fred_Delicious: Before YouTube, people had to travel to music video shoots to argue about Hitler