@JimmerThatisAll: If I offended anyone in the last 24 hours sorry but I forgot my medication and I ran out or premium beer and my son's dating a scientologist
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@RandomAntics: He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you.
@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.
@rainsutton: Just heard Justin Bieber vowed not to return to the UK after his disastrous tour here. Well done the UK. Well done.
@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife