@_steamy_mac: If I pick you up hitchhiking and you haven’t murdered me in the first 25 miles, that’s the end of the free ride, bud.
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@PinkCamoTO: There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* "When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."
@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.