@_steamy_mac: If I pick you up hitchhiking and you haven’t murdered me in the first 25 miles, that’s the end of the free ride, bud.
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@WheelTod: *Shakes wife awake "Honey. I've done it. I've invented a time machine!" Wife:Omg kill Hitler! "What? It's a time machine: it tells time."
@BourbonLuv: I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before!
@lm_GrumpyCat: I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus.