@Reverend_Scott: If I really wanted to end my life I'd probably do it by wearing a Star Trek uniform to the Star Wars Force Awakens premier.
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@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know how fast you were going? "55?" Cop: Faster. "217." Cop: Um, no, 72. "24?" Cop: I already told y- "Negative 6?" Cop: Get out.
@officialjaden: If A Book Store Never Runs Out Of A Certain Book, Dose That Mean That Nobody Reads It, Or Everybody Reads It
@neiltyson: Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens.
@flashember: *plane crashes in ocean* *washes ashore island* *imprisoned by crabs* *rises to become Crab Emperor* *assassinated by most trustworthy crab*