@_davidlucas_: If I reject your call the first two times, ring me again. I'm really just testing your resolve.
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@MatCro: NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*
@Contwixt: That awkward moment when you realize your wife's funeral is turning into a sausage-fest.